Getting Past No will help you with daily life that is full of negotiations that can drive you crazy.

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Over breakfast you get into an argument with your spouse about buying a new car, your spouse thinks it’s time but you say “we can’t afford that right now”
You arrive at work for a meeting with your boss, you present her with a carefully prepared proposal for a new project, but she interrupts within the first minute and says “we already tried that and it didn’t work.
During lunch you try to return a defective toaster you bought last week, but the store person refuses to refund or exchange the toaster because you don’t have the receipt and that’s “Store Policy”

Getting Past No will show you how to “get past no” via a 5 step process:

Step 1: Don’t React (Go to the Balcony)
Step 2: Disarm Them (step to their side)
Step 3: Change the Game (don’t reject… reframe)
Step 4: Build he Golden Bridge (make it easy to say yes)
Step 5: Don’t Escalate – Use Power to Educate (make it hard to say no)

Grab a copy of the book here: https://www.bookdepository.com/Getting-Past-No-Roger-Fisher/9780712655231/?a_aid=adamsbooks

Daily life is full of negotiations that can drive you crazy:

Over breakfast you get into an argument with your spouse about buying a new car, your spouse thinks it’s time but you say “we can’t afford that right now”
You arrive at work for a meeting with your boss, you present her with a carefully prepared proposal for a new project, but she interrupts within the first minute and says “we already tried that and it didn’t work”
During lunch you try to return a defective toaster you bought last week, but the storeperson refuses to refund or exchange the toaster because you don’t have the receipt and thats “Story policy”
In the afternoon, you take a contract to a new client to get signed. They have already agreed to all of the terms verbally so a simple signing on the dotted line is all that is required to make it official, but then he says “my boss won’t let me sign this unless you give us a further 10% discount”
On your drive home, you hear on the radio that 4 masked robbers have held up a bank and are holding hostages as leverage in their negotiations with police
At night, you want to watch Survivor but your 13yo daughter wants to watch The Bachlelor. Obviously Survivor is the far superior show… She yells at you saying you should buy her her own TV so that she can watch what she wants

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Step 1: Don’t React (Go to the Balcony)

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Download Free PDF. Getting past NO - personal and professional negotiation techniques. Cristina Pascari. Download Full PDF Package. A short summary of this paper. 26 Full PDFs related to this paper. Getting past NO.

When someone attacked you, your instinctive reaction is to attack right back, to ‘fight fire with fire’, to ‘give them a taste of their own medicine’. If someone takes a rigid and extreme stance, you retaliate by doing the same, sometimes, you might show them that ‘two can play this game’ and they realize what they’re doing and stop…More often, however, is that tis strategy lands you in a hostile, futile, costly encounter. Striking back rarely advances you immediate interests and usually damages your long term relationships – even if you win the battle, you may lose the war.

Give In: if your opponent succeeds in making you feel uncomfortable, you may give up the negotiation and just go along with what they want. They pressure you, saying you’re the one blocking any agreement or forward progress, so you think ti would be easier to just say yes to them.

Giving in usually results in an unsatisfactory outcome – you feel duped.

Sometimes we are intimidated and appease an unreasonable person under the illusions that if we give in just one last time, we will get him off our back and never have to deal with him again. All too often though, that person comes back asking for further concessions

The third common outcome is to break off ties with the other party

if it a marriage – you get a divorce
if it’s a boss/job – you quit
if it’s a joint venture business – you dissolve it

This is obviously a bad strategy – rather than working through the problems, you just give up trying all together.

The Dangers of Reacting

Often your opponent is trying to get your to react. But when you react, you are hooked – much of you opponent’s power lies in their ability to make you react.

Even if reacting doesn’t lead to an error on your part, it feeds the unproductive cycle of action and reaction.

“GO TO THE BALCONY”

If the bad news is that you contribute to the vicious cycle of action and reaction, the good news is that you have the power to break the cycle at any time – UNILATERALLY

How? By NOT reacting. Objects react – minds choose not to

Step 2: Disarm Them (step to their side)

Don’t argue: step to their site.

The mistake is in trying to reason with a person who is not receptive

Your words will fall on deaf ears or be misconstrued
You are up against a barrier of emotion, the other side may feel distrustful, angry or threatened
Convinced that they are right and you are wrong
They may be unwilling to listen

Stepping to their side means doing 3 things

Listening, acknowledging, agreeing
Listening to what they have to say, acknowledge their point, their feelings, competence and status
And agree whenever you can

Listen Actively

Too often negotiations proceed as follows:

Part A opens a position

Party B focusing on figuring out what they will say, that they don’t really listen

Then back and forth with both parties laying out their position

You need to give your opponent a hearing. Listening requires patience and self discipline. Instead of reacting immediately or plotting your next step, you have to remain focused on what your counterpart is saying. Listening may not be an easy thing to do. If the other side is angry or upset, the best thing you can do is offer a full hearing of their grievance.

Don’t interrupt – even if you feel they are wrong or insulting. Once you’ve heard the other side out, they will most likely be less reactive, more rational, and more responsive to problem solving negotiation. It is no coincidence,

Effective negotiators listen more than they talk.

Paraphrase and ask for corrections. It is not enough to listen to the other side, they need to know that you have heard what they said – so reflect back what you hear. Paraphrasing means summing up your understanding of what the other side has said,

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